hah! i finally enrolled! yes, i did enrol a while ago for my graduate studies (made my mom and dad happy!) yep, here i am... trying my best for my MBA! way to go! harhar... took up operations research, accounting and production management... and there goes my saturday bumming time! i guess this means i won't waste my saturdays by just bummin' around...

since my saturday will be fun-n-fear-filled day, i like to think that my weekdays won't be wasted... i'm still looking for a reputable school (or institution) that offers special classes in digital arts and the like. i'm not a sorry cause for these courses, mind you. i just want to further my knowledge on those area. i know my skills are quite advanced for the digital arts, but i still want to be an "expert." i really think this is what i am supposed to be-- an artist. yeah... yeah... it's better to be a little bit late than never trying it out... but i know, i'm made to be one. an artist! hell yeah!

i had a sweet talk with the dean of the grad school, i think i'm gonna like it... hopefully... i just hope my classmates for this course will be okay in as far as "us" clicking together... well... will be having my first day on saturday... shucks! i'm a student once again... can't hardly wait... seriously!

so it's june. i never imagined being here at home, doing nothing. in fact, if we were to go back the same date and time of last year, i wouldn't even thought of resigning from my current work. i'm practically living there (or so i thought). being there from eight in the morning till past six in the evening... gosh... kinda scary... (yes, scary coz my some peepz say there are unidentified creatures around my room-- my office and my palace!) i'm used to the time, the work, the people. but now, here i am... alone... but still in front of the computer so kinda a little change at all.

ok... i'm quite "sabog" right now. my thoughts are scattered. i  can't think of a single post for my blog. well... thinking... thinking... ok. i'm done thinking. my thoughts are still scattered. but i'm gonna post something anyway...

going back to my work... for the past six years i've done things that i wouldn't even dream of doing. even when i was still in high school and my mom asked me to take up education, i said no. No-- i do not want to be a teacher. period. for me, teaching sucks. no offense... i'm close to my teachers but i never want to be one. end of story.

so there, i didn't take up education. i took mathematics as my course and majored in computer science (i want comp eng but unfortunately, my school doesn't have that course yet). it was a shock. for me, most especially. i love math, but again, i never thought i'd end up being a mathematician. eversince i was a little girl, i dreamed of building houses, drawing... and i instilled on my mind that i would take up architecture in college. comes my senior year, i still wanted to be an architect. but when i was applying for college, i dunno what came to my mind and chose computer science as my first choice and architecture for my second. so i passed the tests... and took up computer. first semester, second month, i wanted to quit. i wanted to shift to arki... i guess it was my adjustment-- from being with my family to being alone and independent; from being a high school student to being a college girl. it was a difficult adjustment, but being me, i won't admit that it was. i still gave my all and passed.  comes second semester, i bonded with my classmates. i didn't want to shift anymore. although i have my so-called moments (these moments are when i would see architecture students under the tree, drawing things and wearing the uniform i would want to wear!), i just look at the opposite side and go on... it was hard... but i did it anyway.  my sophormore year was different. i started doing not-so-good things. i learned how to cut classes and i would often exhaust all the available number of absences on my not-so-favorite subjects and teachers. i changed. my group (my friends in school) continuously encourage me, teach me, boost my morale... but i also have some other friends who are good and at the same time not-so-good. i guess we have something in common. those two groups do not really mesh with each other. but they are civil. and i was there in their midst.  comes my junior and senior year, i became impossible. i've become lazy. i tried, really really tried, but there comes the time that i just can't do it anymore. well, i don't do illegal stuff... i don't drink... i don't smoke... i don't do drugs and sex. but i was still impossible. i thought i know it all. but no. i still have a lot to learn.  i didn't actually graduate on time, which made my parents quite disappointed. i was really sorry for the disappointment i caused them and upto this time, after seven years, i still am sorry. it's been such a shame for me. but as they say, life goes on, and we must accept the results of our own actions.

going back... then i was offered this job. since i specialize in computer, i was asked to teach computer at a private school in our place. so i took it. ironic, right? i didn't want to take up education but i ended up teaching anyway! i gave my best for six years. those were not easy years. i have leaned the do's and don'ts... the ropes of teaching and stuff... but i wansn't really happy. then some of my friends resigned-- some to teach at public schools, others, well, to try out their luck abroad. there were still who remained, but still, i wasn't happy.

then i resigned.

now i'm sad coz i do not have a regular salary... but i know, if i continue with the charade of liking what i do, it will be the end of me and i won't find the happiness that i want. sad to say, upto this point, i'm still at a loss--- for direction, for my future. so what i do is burn my broadband and search for something on the net. i still don't know what that something is. what i know is i will find it and soon...